What “Not” to Say to a Publicist

At M Communications and M Com Publishing, we hear some funny ones. Most of the time it is great to hear over email, because that way you can keep a straight face. Here are my favorites over the last four years:

1. “I want to be on Oprah.” This usually comes from the client who doesn’t have a website and zero television experience whatsoever. Most national shows (news especially) want to see prior footage. No, your husband taping you with his camcorder catching your eyeball only during a speaking presentation does not count.

2. “I am so scared to be famous.” Trust me … if you utter these exact words, you will not get any PR coverage whatsoever. And, we will not take you on as a client – please see Oprah syndrome above.

3. “Can you send me your media list?”. The response I want to send is, “Are you on crack?”. Most PR pros pay some pretty big bucks for your list and they are not willing just to send them out. Plus, there are a lot of personal relationships involved over time with certain producers. Just don’t ask.

4. “Why am I not on television?” This normally comes from someone who has been on 3 radio shows and 21 other different media outlets (print, online, etc.), but are bummed because they are not on television. Um., be thankful for your results and your new clients as a result of mass coverage.

5. “Where is my R.O.I.?” This comes from the client that does not get a return spot on a major network (bad P.R. karma). A publicist can never guarantee results or R.O.I. And, the ones who are thankful for their coverage tend to get asked to come back. There’s some food for thought.